my top 5

i want need to start off by saying that i'm incredibely overwhelmed and touched by the response of my first post. honestly, i never thought i would be talking about natural/home birth on this blog (my ideas were more or less about recipes, baby products, movies, books, etc) but for anyone that's had a sit down conversation with me in the last year or so, you'll know that it's a subject i'm very passionate about and i think it came sort of naturally for me to write on the subject as we're awaiting baby #2.

*http://lesaccouchiantes.blogspot.ca/

i have to admit, when i first started reading on the subject and discussing natural birth with our midwife, most of the information she gave us actually struck me as logical even though most of it was news to me! (in all honesty, i was a total ignoramus when it came to birth when i first got pregnant - the idea of a child inside me made me think more of a certain 1979 ridley scott movie than a beautiful life-changing experience...) the more i learnt, the more questions i didn't even know i had were getting answered - why tell a woman to push, when her body actually does it for her? why induce labour when the due date is nothing set in stone and actually changes the further into the pregnancy we get? why get a woman to lay on her back - squatting actually gives 30% more room - when it's actually proven that it constricts the exit for the baby? why constantly check a woman's cervix when it might in fact infect the area? why systematically shoot women with pitocin when her body is already secreting oxytocin? why are we giving birth in fully lit, busy environments when every other mammal on planet earth finds the calmest, most dimly lit place they can find to do their thing? why are we conditioning women to feel and believe that they can't birth and need assistance to allow their body to do what it was made to do? 


so many things started making sense and slowly things fell into place. our choice was made and i felt confident it was the right one... even for a first-time mother, my nervousness lay in my weight gain more than the actual birth. i was fortunate enough to have a fiancé and family who were 200% supportive of my decision. i felt i had the proper tools, i was prepared and most of all, i knew i was well surrounded. but as prepared as i was physically, mentally and emotionally of the BIRTH - i wasn't ready for the comments, the snickers, the questions... even now, there are days where i feel overwhelmed by, "you're pregnant again?" (that magic word!) or "you know it's going to be hard having them so close together?" and yet a year ago the comments were almost unanimous: "you want to what? give birth at home?!" and laughter almost always followed. when it wasn't laughter it was confusion or contempt. actually, here are some of my all-time favorite comments heard over the course of my first pregnancy:


1. "you're so courageous/amazing!"
to me being courageous is going to a neon-lit, germ-infested place filled with a bunch of people i don't know. people whom i've never even met before in my life and around whom i'm supposed to be so comfortable (half naked, ass hanging out with my feet propped on some awkward metal contraption, mind you...) that my child will calmly and naturally come into this world. courageous to me is letting these strangers touch me all day long, talk about things that apparently i don't need to know about, going ahead with interventions without bothering to ask for my permission and rushing around like all hell has broken loose (all these are taken from real-life stories. i'm not making any of this up to make a point... although i wish i was). courage is all a matter of perspective. i don't feel like i did anything extraordinary and it boggles me when i'm told, over and over, how courageous i am. thank you, really, but i'm not anymore courageous than anyone else. i'm just following my body along for the ride.




2. "i wish i could do what you did... but my husband/boyfriend/family would never accept it."
anyone can give birth naturally. anyone who has't had a complication-ridden pregnancy. anyone who isn't carrying mutliples. anyone who is under 40. you don't need to do it at home. you don't need a widmife. you don't need a fancy birthing pool. you don't need a haystack and incense burning. you just need information. information, an understanding, well-informed doctor and  to be mentally and physically prepared. sounds a lot like a hospital birth? that's cause it is. except i chose to take it in my own hands. i owned up to my choices. don't be afraid to let people know that this is your time to shine. making decisions as a new mom - or expectant mom - is always a little tricky. (i found it hard at times to stand by my decision. i'd often get nervous when explaining certain things...) someone ALWAYS has something to say, some advice they once heard back in '42 and it had worked for her mother and her sister and... please! follow your instincts. (never failed me so far.) you aren't comfortable with all the medical jargon that's flying around? stop and ask questions. don't be afraid. it's never too late. read - but not just the books that everyone swears by. read something no one told you about. you might find there's something in there for you... an extra argument that might help you put your surroundings at ease about your decision - whatever that may be.


if your family loves you, and i'm absolutely 1 000% sure they do, then they can find in themselves to respect you and your choices for birthing (and raising for that matter...) your own child. i remember my father had so many questions, so many doubts... he was afraid and didn't know what i was getting myself into. instead of judging my decision, he chose to ask questions. some of them silly, others not so much. but he respected my choices and i respected his curiosity and with the knowledge i had in hand, i was able to put him at ease. today, he very proudly tells people i gave birth at home. and like any good father would do, he defends my decision when people don't understand... it's a beautiful thing, really.

** before my next point i want to say one thing. a questions that's come up a lot. a point that seems to surprise people everytime: midwives are medically trained people. they come prepared. they can reanimate you or your child. they come with an oxygen tank. material for sutures. they also always came with a driver's license which comes in handy if you need to go to hospital. i will be talking about her/that more in the future... our meetings with her, the care we got, the preparation for a home birth, etc.i'm done. keep reading.


3. "but you can get an epidural... right?!" or "when are you getting induced?" or "how can you live without knowing the sex?" or "you haven't given birth yet?!"
first of all: stop. just stop. second of all: no. there is no epidural at a home/natural birth. no pitocin. no forceps (if the midwife had some, i didn't see them come out). that's kinda part of the charm. no induction either (our midwife did give us a list of things to do when i reached 40 weeks ranging from taking walks to having sex to drinking castor oil). and really, due dates are as a good an astrological prediction - trust me one that one. well into your last trimester, your due date becomes even less accurate - it also depends on your menstrual cycle. women who have a cycle longer than 28 days are more likely to go over their magical "due date". 


still, it seems like a settling piece of information for people to have - like knowing the sex before birth. yet how many people do you know actually gave birth on their due date? personnally, i know none. not one. single. person. early or late but rarely right on time. and how many stories of "it's a girl!" actually turning into "it's a boy!" once delivery rolled around? a lot more than i would of expected. in the end, it's the only real, big surprise you'll ever get to have in your life... why not keep it? 


as for the "harassing" - for lack of a better word at the moment - a week prior and after my "due date"... it was just... i don't even know how to explain it. there are two people in the world who are more anxious than anyone else to see a child be born. and that's it's parents. i had people telling me, "gosh, give birth already... i can't wait to see it/know what it is!" or "wow, 9 months is really long" and frankly i was more annoyed by the questions than by the actual waiting part. i knew that if it (i'm saying "it" because at the time we didn't know it was a "she") wasn't here yet, it was only because it wasn't ready. 9 months is long enough, no need to pester people. when the baby comes, if you're in the parents' entourage, you'll know. trust me. the birth of a child is rarely one of those hush-hush moments... people tend to want to talk about it. you might actually get annoyed of how much they talk about it but that's another subject altogether! 




ps. i apologize to any woman (em cp, sorry!) who i have ever said any of the following too - i just didn't know any better... 




4. "you'll never be able to make it through the pain without anything. i know i couldn't. i had to take it. no choice."
ok - why is it that other women feel the need to scare expectant mothers, like they're proving a point by mentioning how much it hurts? first off, everyone is different. we all live and feel things differently. and yes, it hurts. get over it. it's part of the deal. it won't scar you for life... what might though is having a horrible medicated birth experience during which you felt completely detached. a birth where virtually nothing is in your control and you're a spectator instead of the star player.


i chose to leave the pitocin behind. for me, it was more than important to let my hormones do their work. i'm far from being a patient person but this was one thing i was willing to wait out... even if it took 10 hours. (and it rarely does when going the natural route - most girls i know who had a home/natural birth, had their baby in their arms in 10 hours flat. from beginning to end.) 
oxytocin is a magical hormone - it kick starts your contractions, it gets you ready for bonding with your baby, it gets your breastmilk flowing and it also (amazingly enough) helps you deal with the pain. among so many other amazing things. (you can look into it, many websites explain well pitocin and oxytocin - here is one: http://www.birthresourcenetwork.org/resources/54-pitocin-the-whole-story-) 
*side note about pitocin: it was often tested on animals and almost always the outcome was horrible - mother abandonning her babies, mother unable to recover, placenta rupturing, baby/mother not making it through...


also, i couldn't picture myself going with the epidural. i wanted the freedom to move. the ability to feel my baby coming down. i wanted to push on my own, not have someone tell me when and for how long. the amazing thing was, my body did all the work. no one came to tell me, "ok, it's time.". i just knew it was. the only thing i could fathom of doing was pushing. (my only good comparison is this: does anyone need to tell you to push when you #2?) speaking of #2, this is personal, but i also wanted to know if i was going... i didn't want someone just picking up after me, without even knowing i had gone. i'm 25, not 125. i'd like to keep my dignity another few years. if possible. 


bottom line is this: stop scaring women. and women, stop being scared. we were made for this. the best way to not be scared, is to be informed - please, put down "what to expect when you're expecting" and read something outside the box that might actually help. read about a subject you know nothing about. put as much thought into pitocin as you do wall colors for the baby room. spend as much time looking for information about epidurals and cesarian rates than clothes shopping. you'll be glad you did. (you can thank me later...:P)


and the best and most reassuring thing i heard BEFORE giving birth:
5. "if i had homebirthed, my child would be dead."(i got my fiancé to read this before posting it and he said that he's has a slew of his clients tell him this!!!)
this pretty much goes with #4 but it was so ridiculous/outrageous it needed its own number. yes, two entire human beings told me this. how unbelievably settling, right? i understand the intentions behind the message, but for someone who's never given birth and has chosen the marginal route... worst. possible. thing. to. say. ever. it made me feel like shit. it made me feel like my choice was the worst possible one. it made me feel like we were preparing the murder of our own child before it was even born. it had me turned upside down for days (both times) and had me rethinking my entire "plan". please, stop perpetuating the idea that birth is horrible, scary and impossible to manage on your own. it isn't. never was. and never will be.




oddly enough, i never had the courage to answer to most of those questions/comments. mainly because at the time, i didn't know. i thought, maybe they're right. maybe i can't do this. i couldn't know for sure until i did it and saw for myself what all the fuss was about. one thing i know for sure now, when people ask me if it hurts all i know to anwer is this: it was worth every ache and pain, every tear, every bead of sweat, every moan and every little groan. i would do it again. and again. and again. any day of the week. yes, it's painful. but isn't that true of a lot of things in life? no pain, no gain... right?! i'd rather hurt for a few hours and know that i made the best possible choice for myself than to follow into someone else's footsteps doing something i'm uncomfortable with and regret it for the rest of my life. i just can't imagine myself going through such a special period in my life... in a hospital. 




i didn't feel sick and i sure as hell didn't feel like my life was threatened. my life was just about to change... and i wanted to share that with people who would care. who might even shed a tear when IT finally came... and they did.