confessions of an addict

i'm not going to lie. i'm not going to pretend. and i certainly am not going to make excuses. i was a tv addict. plain and simple. not a day went by where i didn't watch tv. for more than an hour at a time. mindlessly. it was just one of those things - it had always been there. in retrospect it's almost sad to say it like this but it was one of those things that was always part of my life: it lulled me as a baby, accompanied me as a child and was my friend throughout my teenage years all the way to last year. 25 years. we had a good run, tv and i. from tom & jerry to riki and jerry to jerry and elaine... i loved it all and watched it all. and it never crossed my mind (or my parents' either, i guess - but it's unfair to drag them into this) that i could be doing something better with my time... or my life.

it wasn't until two years ago, when i met a certain amazing french man that i started feeling bad about my ... addiction? habit? when he mentionned that he hadn't watched tv in over 15 years (movies were exceptions) i couldn't believe it! i thought, very naively, "then what do you do?!". mind you, we spent most of our time just hanging out and drinking so the tv wasn't really part of our friendship but once we started dating, evenings became more relaxed and intimate - pyjamas, a beer and tv. and every single time he would complain and comment on basically everything. it drove me nuts. he would laugh at the shows i was watching, complain at the commercials that were passing and just be flat out annoying (or so i thought at the time)... then i got pregnant. already in the first few months, he was beginning to let me know how he really, truly felt and where he stood on the subject: tv was poisonous and he didn't want his children around it. not now. not later. not ever. not even maybe. i was able to bargain to keep the tv during the final months of pregnancy and the first few months of being at home with the baby - without too much trouble given he understood the situation. i have to say, being at home, alone with a newborn and having as much trouble breastfeeding as i did, tv wasn't only helpful... it was vital. it may of saved my sanity... and potentially my baby. when élie turned 3 months, we gave her the best gift we could possibly give her: we cut cable. no more tv watching. no more commercials. no more ridiculous shows. no more being passive in front of the idiot box.

like i said, i'm not going to lie: same as any addiction, the first  few weeks were tough. really tough. i just didn't know what to do with myself. days seemed to go on forever. it was just me, a newborn and what seemed like defeaning silence that sometimes felt like torture. i'd always been a big fan of music but i must admit that i totally rediscovered it once tv was gone. that and the art of dicussion. actually listening and paying full attention to the conversations i was having. i started appreciating more and more every day the beauty of life and all that it had to offer. like a smoker who quits and begins tasting foods differently, smelling things differently... i was taking amazing pleasure in just watching my daughter be. i was having the most amazing, deep conversations with yann. i was reading books i had bought years before and had never taken the time to read. i was taking more walks. writing more in my journal and doing projects i had had on the back burner for too long... all because i had been spending most of my "free time" watching tv.

i've been a year tv free. at the time, it felt like i was giving my daughter a gift. in retrospect, i gave myself an even bigger gift. freedom. mental freedom and time. now that i've been a year without tv, i can safely say it drives me insane when i walk into someone's house and the tv is just idly playing in the background. it almost shames me to say that i now have the same judgements and thoughts about others as yann did about me almost 2 years ago... and only a year ago, i was the same zombified being receiving information i hadn't asked for and yet, here i am today. writing this post. i feel sad when i walk by a house at night on my evening strolls with gypsy and all i see is dim living rooms with only the horrifying light gleaming from that small screen. i feel sick to my stomach when i see people eating supper with the tv on, unable to even adress the person sitting right in front of them and bother to ask, "how was your day?". i see red when i'm talking to someone and realize they heard nothing because they were more interested in the new head'n'shoulders commercial.

above all, i feel ashamed to think i was once that person. all those people. that was me.

nowadays, you can still find me sitting on the couch - reading, writing, doing crosswords, cuddling with élie or with yann, petting the dog or one the cats, talking passionately with a friend, facebooking (one addiction at a time, please), blogging, searching for new recipes, researching homemade projects (...and actually doing them!!!) or watching a movie. a movie i chose. a movie i want to see. not passively watching show after show, being bombarded with ridiculous commercials of products i don't want but suddenly think i need, restaurants that don't even exist in my area (or country, for that matter), cars i'll never drive or companies i couldn't care less about even if i tried. i take more pleasure in the smaller moments and i thoroughly enjoy just being. i'm not saying tv was keeping from living but i'm not saying the contrary either...

when i see children needing a screen put in front of them in order to sit still for 2 minutes without throwing a tantrum, i think... there's something wrong with the picture. children are being over-stimulated, propped in front of the tv set as young as birth. and why do we do it? because that's what we know. that's how it was done for us. but it's not too late to break the cycle. it never is. i'm not suggesting we all cut cable - we are, after all, free to make our own choices - but i am suggesting turning it off once in a while. taking a walk. having a real talk, face to face. reading a book. listening to music. scrapbooking. taking up a new hobby. the possibilites are endless and oh so rewarding.

we spend so much time wondering why days just fly by, why children are so demanding, why human contact has become almost obsolete - there are 24 hours in a day. an average workday is about 8 hours. we spend on average 6 hours sleeping. and 3 hours watching tv. that's 15 hours a week. in addition to a 40 hour workweek (and then we wonder why times just zips by and why days seem to last 5 minutes!) 99% of households in america own atleast one tv. an average (tv-watching) child sees about 16, 000 (!!!) commercials per year. 54% of children between 4-6 years old chose watching tv over spending time with their fathers when asked to choose between either. statistics like this aren't needed to convince me but they definitely cement our decision to cut it out of our lives and confirm what a brilliant choice that was. the merit goes to yann, i just tagged along and boy, am i ever glad i did. i'll be forever thankful that he opened my eyes to life without television.

and above all else: i'll be forever thankful that we are allowing our daughter to grow up in a television-free zone where creativity prevails and freedom of thought is key. she draws. she plays the piano. she can manage to just sit there with just about nothing and be content. and that, my friends, is priceless.